associatewoman

October 13, 2011

There is No Way the Regular Syllabus is Going to Get My Son Anywhere

Despite the education my son is receiving, I can’t see how the regular syllabus will get my son from where he was a year or so ago for the NAPLAN year 3 test to where he’s got to be a year from now for the NAPLAN year 5 test, and have just posted on this at The Associate Woman’s Testing is Just a Learning Opportunity. Specifically my issues reside with the development of reading and comprehension skills required for the next NAPLAN test.

While I don’t hammer him or tighten his screws on a daily basis, I try to work with him at least once a week academically. I want to coach him into becoming a better student – and given his current school doesn’t give him any homework, I think this approach is very reasonable. This is what I’ve come up with:

When he asks us a question, we follow it up thoroughly and present real life situations or tangential ideas to illustrate what we mean. Importantly, we try to frame the information in order for him to be able to write intelligently about it.
When he sees a movie, before that movie high has left, we dissect the movie and then to come up with a Q and A assignment based on that movie.
When he’s into a book, I would pull sections and create writing assignments based on the section highlighted. The idea is not just to write, but to form ideas and to repeatedly edit it until it reads well. We discovered that the whole process becomes achievable on Word. There is little patience for editing if you stick with pen and paper.
And lastly, now this is a bit radical for a Year 4 student, I have started doing critical analysis of poetry with my 9yo boy. I find that working with poetry allows me to deconstruct language and present life lessons at the same time. Big issues mean youtube sessions and tie ups with movies, so hopefully the entire experience remains interesting and positive.

I’m not specifically working on NAPLAN sample tests, but using it as an opportunity to create an intellectual relationship between my son and I – and I’m enjoying the entire process immensely!

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–
Colin Wee, Associate Woman
Parents Need Parents in Perth, Western Australia
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October 10, 2011

The Face Behind SuperParents

I’ve had to reassess the constant problems I’ve experienced with Trojans (no, not the box of Trojans) – Trojan Viruses! They’ve brought my poor blog down 5 times this year, and I’m not impressed. Has it taken a week or so every time that happens to bounce back? My goodness! So I’ve decided to take a step back and to proceed by choosing a platform I know to be robust and which has never really given me too many problems. Yes, I’ve chosen to bust myself down to economy class and start with blogger again.

: The Face Behind SuperParents

The Associate Woman

The new Associate Woman blog has been really fun to put together. Already it feels like a breath of fresh air, but the purpose is the same, to create a blog for a community of parents. In that way it is going to be no different than SuperParents. Would love to see you Share the Love and ask Aunt Associate a question.

September 30, 2011

KFC Taking Toys Off the Menu – Is That Enough?

Corrina Langelaan, Campaign Manager for The Parents’ Jury is back again. She wants to get more parents from WA involved in helping her put a stop to the marketing of unhealthy food to children! See her previous post The Fame and Shame Awards. I’m wondering that my post Yesteryear’s Tomorrow is Not Always Today might be a good one to show everyone how important it is to eat moderately and healthfully! Please help me welcome Corinna back to the blog.

So Who is Responsible for Tackling Obesity? by Corrina Langelaan

It’s been an interesting week for us at The Parents’ Jury. Thanks to a misquote from a media outlet, we’ve been accused of being ‘whackos,’ ‘fun police’ and ‘taking the joy out of food treats.’ And that’s the repeatable stuff! To clarify, the Cancer Council NSW has called for regulations on food packaging as new research revealed that 70% of promotional characters on Australian food packets promote products to children that are high in fats, salt, and sugar. We were asked for our opinion on plain paper packaging for junk food and said we thought it could be considered in the wider context of looking at advertising unhealthy food to children. Needless to say, that’s not what appeared and (while we haven’t received as much flack as the researchers) there have been some strongly worded emails in the inbox.

Most of the feedback has been regarding whose responsibility it is to tackle childhood obesity. Which got us thinking. The fight has been hotting up lately and if you think it’s not political, think again!

First, KFC announced they were taking toys off the menu. At almost the same time, celebrity chef (and Tetra Pak KidsAmbassador) Darren Simpson began spruiking a new range of burgers for them.

Last month, the Australian Food and Grocery Council (AFGC) surveyed 1,222 people and released research stating 78% of Australians are familiar with the Daily Intake Guide (DIG) front-of-pack labelling. The AFGC argues there is no need to change how nutritional information and health claims are currently displayed on packaged food. This month, The Obesity Policy Coalition launched a free phone app that helps you check the marketing and nutrition claims on processed foods.

Channel Seven have been publicly rebuked by the Australian Communications and Media Authority for broadcasting McDonald’s advertisements during children’s programs. It’s the first time the authority has done this to a broadcaster. It’s especially important, when you consider children are apparently watching an average of 2.4 hours of television a week, but reducing the amount of time they spend on sports and outdoor pursuits.

Everywhere you turn, there’s another story! And it’s global. Later this month, members of the UN are meeting to discuss issues of global health. The summit is devoted to non-communicable diseases, like diabetes, cancer, heart disease and chronic respiratory diseases. However, it has also been reported the Australian Government has joined the USA and Canada to delete proposed paragraphs proposing cost-effective measures to reduce the production and consumption of fats, sugar and salts.

I know I’ve laced together a number of unrelated stories, but there is a theme. And here it is – obesity is on the rise. As a population, Australia is growing fatter and, unless action is taken, we are going to be in trouble sooner rather than later. In fact, if research is to be believed, nearly three-quarters of Australians will be overweight or obese by 2025.

Much of the debate comes back to the role and responsibility of parents and whether we should blame them for the diets of their children. However, The Parents’ Jury doesn’t think it’s that simple (and we hope you agree)! Many millions are spent every year on advertising and as we can see, for every piece of research that suggests industry is trying its best to sell unhealthy food to children, there is a counter argument. And guess who has the deeper pockets?

And when your own Government is accused of putting the profits of the global food industry ahead of the global health of children and the most vulnerable, you know the issue is bigger than simply telling parents to say ‘no’ to pester power.

If you’re concerned, you’re not alone. Organisations like the Public Health Association Australia exist to provide a forum for this debate. There are also numerous academics, not-for-profit groups (like us) and Government Departments, such asHealthway WA, who are all doing their best to highlight the need to prevent and tackle obesity.

I urge you to keep an eye out for stories, work your way through the spin and use your voice at any opportunity. The voice of parents is crucial if Australia is going to beat this growing epidemic.

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September 29, 2011

A Young Food Lover at Perth Royal Show

Wills has this clever little school friend, also 10yo, who absolutely loves to cook. According to his mum, he helps with dinner almost every night of the week, and would be happy to work on the mains if his mother is occupied with other aspects of the meal. He recently entered a cooking competition, got himself on tv, and won enough money to land himself some new Game & Watch gadget he’s been wanting forever. The last time William had a sleepover, they both worked on some self-saucing chocolate cake for dessert and then cooked breakfast for everyone the next morning!!!

So it was not a big surprise to find out he was going to be involved in some Kitchen Whiz Kids cooking demonstration at the Perth Royal Show.

Applying Heat to Some Food!

I really like it when I see a child who has an interest in something. I like it even more when that child work towards it. What child do you know saves up to buy a Thermomix? Or dreams of entering the food industry?

Now, all I’ve got to figure out is how I can plug my son into that sort of passion and determination. I don’t really need for him to compete on the same footing or appear to be smarter or better. I just want him to feel the mojo, let him take away a little bit of that focus – and make it his own.

So, heads up Food Lovers … when you visit the Perth Royal Show this year, look out for the Kitchen Whiz Kids. They’re not just some MasterChef wannabes who didn’t make the cut. Some of them are solid cooks who work hard at their dreams and have some really amazing cooking skills!

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September 19, 2011

Nothing Makes the Moment of Failure More Apparent …

I’ve been spending time the past year getting to know Wills’ syllabus and his math and english ability – and one of my goals is to help him learn how to reduce simple mistakes and improve on the consistency of his work. Over the weekend when I visited Family Life Forum, one of the speakers brought up something about clichés, and it occurred to me that it was too easy to dismiss a child with a quip or a cliché. Sure it’s fine to want your child to easily brush aside failure. But is it alright if at the same time you’re dismissing their want to achieve better? Put some real effort to helping them reach their goals – platitudes are so yesterday.

Disaffirmations and Clichés

“It’s not how far you fall, so long as you bounce back up again.”

“It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.”

“You can’t have everything.”

“Good things come to those who wait.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”

Nothing Makes the Moment of Failure More Apparent than a Little Cliché

How many of you have a store of clichés right on the tip of your tongue? You want to make people feel good … or less bad. You feel pressured to relieve the silence with a nice cliché. It rolls of the tongue nicely, you don’t have to get too involved or deal with too much emotional complexity. Just a little quip, or fire off that cliché.

There can only be one this time. There is the next time, of course.

Actually, nothing makes that moment of failure more apparent than when someone fires off an overused line.

What use is having that cake when you can’t eat it? Who cares about just playing the game, I’m in it to win it! Ignorance is not bliss, I want to know what I’m missing! And yes, I want everything.

How does your child handle failure or deal with mistakes while they listen to your clichés day-in-day-out, telling them that it’s okay to disaffirm their hunger for success. They are of course okay with little mistakes and will heal from small abrasions. They do get over it. But if you keep tuning down their expectations of themselves, sooner or later they’re going to let those clichés become self-fulfilling prophesies.

How do you adopt a new POSITIVE mindset which stops you disaffirming success for your child?

Understand what they’re doing at school or in sport and spend time to help them reach for success.
Feel bad when they don’t exactly succeed and want to say something? Don’t. Failure is not that bad and children can take it. Talk about it casually when they’re ready to open up.
Be a model of success and positive energy and show them how to handle failure. You teach them about living as YOU live your life!
Respect your child’s emotional maturity and don’t talk down to them.
Believe that you and your child can make choices which can affect your lives positively!

Keep at it folks!

Colin

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September 16, 2011

FU Money

This guy Arnold contacts me from a leading savings comparison website in Australia for a guest post and after an exchange which usually has me going on about how I’m really looking for compelling guest posts written from a personal perspective he piques my interest with talk of ‘FU Money.’ Squeeze me? Apparently, ‘FU Money’ is a term to describe an amount of money where you can basically maintain a desired lifestyle and do whatever you want without needing to work or earn any more. Well, okay, that sounds like a great concept … and I like the term! Now the question is what would all of you do with some FU Money??? Please help me welcome Arnold from Hive Empire to SuperParents.

Unexpected Ways ‘FU Money’ Could Change Your Life: 3 Real-life Examples

Dreaming of what we would do with mountains of money is a favourite pastime for many of us who trudge off to work day after day, week after week when we’d much rather be relaxing on a tropical island, flying our private jet or hosting lavish parties at our estate. However, the following are outcomes which don’t usually factor into our fantasies – the unexpected ways having more money than we ever dreamed of can affect our life, our personality, our friendships and our beliefs.

FU Money

When much of your life is focussed on money – making money, saving money, ensuring you have enough money to pay the bills – it is natural to think that having FU Money would solve all of your problems. FU Money is that magical amount of money which allows you to say ‘FU’ to your boss and do whatever you want at any time. However, things can go wrong with your dream plans when you look at money as the most important thing, and the solution to all of your problems. Instead you should liken money to fuel when you’re on a road trip – you don’t want to run out of fuel on your trip, but at the same time you’re not doing a tour of service stations, you really just want to get out there and live your life.

FU Money is that magical amount of money which allows you to say ‘FU’ to your boss and do whatever you want at any time.

1 – You feel empty for having completed your journeyEmpty is the last thing you expect to feel when you have pockets full of FU Money, but many people who have made or are making more money than they know what to do with lose their motivation as there is no longer a reason to get up in the morning and go to work. Let’s look at the example of ‘Harry’ who didn’t make his mounds of money from a big exit package, but instead through several very lucrative online businesses. When Harry realised he had more money than he knew how to spend he was perplexed by his lack of motivation because money had been the primary motivating factor in his life for as long as he could remember.At the same time Harry still wanted to work, but at first couldn’t work out why – surely having FU Money and not having to work was the dream? Harry realised that there were a lot of good reasons to create useful products and services which people will pay for, besides the fact that he would get paid for them. Harry could embrace self expression through his work, feel a sense of achievement and feel like he was contributing to the world. Plus, he now has the luxury of working on interesting things which people will like, even when there’s little profit in them.The challenge then becomes finding a way to spend money which will contribute to your happiness, which Harry found to be a real challenge. Luckily Harry realised that buying up the big home most of us fantasise about wasn’t the best idea because of the maintenance costs, and the way it would alienate you from your old friends who are still working to pay off their mortgage, and living in working class areas. After all, how would your friends feel coming over to your mansion and then having to invite you back to their humble home?

Instead, Harry set about spending his money on personal experiences rather than actual possessions. Harry found he could travel the world, eat out at the best restaurants and his friends and extended family didn’t have to know the details. Harry also acknowledges that these experiences are only enriched by the presence of his wife and children. In the same vein, Harry has also bought a second home overseas which makes his travels easier and doesn’t flaunt his wealth in the face of his friends every day. As a result Harry has been able to benefit from and enjoy his FU Money but he’s had to work at it.

Similarly, when uni student ‘Steve’ started a company which was bought out by a competitor for a healthy sum, he did what everyone thinks about doing when they strike it rich – he splurged on a new car, new technology and gifts for his friends and family. He eventually realised that his spending was out of control, but was still unable to curb the urge to spend his money on trivial things. Even when Steve did buy the expensive things he thought he wanted, he felt no sense of ownership for these items compared to the ones he had saved up to buy, and they never really made him happy.

In the end Steve put most of his new possessions on eBay and put the remainder of his money in a long term investment fund. Steve has left the money in his investment account, gotten a well paying job and is now set up with a healthy deposit for a house, a wedding or a family.

2 – Having a lot of money is a problem

Most of us feel that the majority of our problems can be traced back to not having enough money. However, when you come into FU Money, you can start having problems with a lot of money too. As ‘Martin’ shares from his experience of having FU Money – it’s like winning the lottery and you have to be emotionally prepared for the changes it will bring. If you’re not prepared, having a lot of money can simply amplify your worst problems and habits. You risk having the money erode the meaning of many things in life, including life itself, so you need to make sure you plan a purpose for the money.

Martin points out that once you’ve bought everything you’ve always wanted, you run the risk of feeling even emptier than when you started because you ask yourself – is that it? this is because beyond its buying power, money has no value unless it is used or invested and knowing what to do with all of your money which will be a valuable experience can be problematic for many who become insanely rich incredibly fast.

However, for ‘Gerry’ the problems come from how others view him and his situation. For example, Gerry has enough FU Money to live comfortably if he continues to be smart in the way he uses his money but he keeps this money in accounts or investments rather than splashing out on big houses and fast cars. Hi wife still works and they continue to live a frugal life, but as a result many of the couple’s friends think Gerry is a good for nothing because he no longer goes into work and they feel sorry for his wife.

Therefore while Gerry has cleverly invested his money and isn’t making his wealth known to avoid being asked (or feeling obligated) for handouts from family or friends, this strategy brings its own problems. Plus, because Gerry has given up working for the last two years, when his wife comes home and tells him about the problems at work or what happened in her day, he is reminded that he is missing that human interaction which comes with an office or work environment.

3 – It’s a challenge to spend money in a way which improves your happiness

The reason we all day dream about what we would do if we had FU Money is because it is nice to think about, and we assume that if we had all of that money, all of our other problems would fade into insignificance. However, when you finally do have FU Money you learn to distinguish the problems which can be solved with money and the problems which can’t, and as ‘Lance’ realised, there are a lot of problems you can buy your way out of.

At the same time Lance points out that you can’t buy your way out of some of the most serious problems in life. Until he launched his successful company, Lance had been living hand to mouth, treading water, and when he finally made FU Money he says ‘it felt like reaching the shore’. However, if your mother develops cancer or your brother is in a car accident, you can buy them the best medical treatment in the world, but that doesn’t always solve the problem. Money doesn’t always buy you happiness in your pursuits either as Lance points out – many people think they can’t write that novel that’s inside them because they don’t have the time, but when they do have FU Money and they do have time they realise that writing a novel is actually hard work, and the effort is what’s really stopping them.

For ‘David’ the effort wasn’t the problem because when he made FU Money he had the time and the freedom to take painting classes, go running, relax, eat out and spend time with his friends. However, David didn’t get any passion from this new found freedom and the only way he could recapture a passion for life was when he went back to work. David had been working as a programmer but pursued a career in a molecular neurobiology lab after making his money and he’s been completely engaged with his new work ever since.

So while money is of course important in all of our lives, don’t look at it as the golden touch to solve all of your problems.

Individual results may vary. Use only as directed. – CW

Savings Account Finder

Savings Account Finder (http://www.savingsaccountfinder.com.au/) helps you compare online savings accounts and term deposit products in Australia. We blog about useful personal finance matters and general tips to help you achieve financial independence.

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September 14, 2011

Leaving Behind Three Young Girls

My wife’s colleague and friend lost his spouse recently. She was diagnosed with cancer one week, given a fairly bad prognosis, but died all too suddenly the week after. Her funeral was yesterday. Still considered young at my age, she leaves behind three little girls … it was all desperately sad. I had loads on my plate yesterday and tried not to let it affect me, but I felt anguish and was distracted to the point of not being able to drive very well.

While many individuals measure their lives with how well they live and the things they get done, only parents reading this would think immediately to those children left behind. This was what weighed on my mind all of yesterday – and I am sharing not to highlight a family’s grief nor to sensationalise their loss, but to remind us all about the people in our lives that matter.

Let us, for her sake, live our lives well and be thankful for family, friends and the good things we have in life.

For a short time, her obituary can be found at The Legacy Guestbook.

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September 11, 2011

A Father Tells Why He Wants His Kids to Hit Back

dExTeR is self employed, a self professed IT geek (his words, not mine) and has just recently started to work with his wife to offer social media consulting services. He has a blog called ‘I wish my kids would …,’ and is learning the more he writes, the easier it gets. So true! dEx loves talking about fatherhood, his kids, and things family-related. He’s getting such a good response from the fans in his life (namely his mum and his wife) that he’s thinking he might start yet another blog. Before he finds out how blogs tend to suck you in, please help me welcome dEx to SuperParents.

I Want My Kids to Hit Back by dExTeR EuGeNiO

Hello all you SuperParents, my name is dExTeR, and together with my wife Olivia, my 4yoD Cadence and 2yoS Carson, we’d like to welcome you to my first (and potentially last) guest blog post. Last blog post? Read on to see why.

I’d like to think that my wife and I are “traditional” parents for a better word. For the past 4 years I have been self-employed with my wife staying at home to look after the kids. She works casually a couple of days a week and our kids have yet to see the inside of a child care centre. She’s the disciplinarian in the house, but if it comes to it, the final word ends with me. I work all day (and at times all night) while she stays at home and cooks and cleans. So I guess you couldn’t get more traditional than us.

A Young dEx asks 'yOu WaNt A pIeCe Of Me?'

For the most part our parenting values are on par, education, tick, religion, tick, discipline, tick, there really isn’t that much we disagree on, and with over 15 years of being a couple (7 years married), there’s not a lot we fight about either. Except for this….

If one of my kids is bullied and gets hit. I want them to hit back.

It’s something that my wife and I come to blows with every time and so I learn to cut these conversations off quick smart. Though there is no way of telling that either of our kids will get bullied in the first place, I just know that deep down inside, if either of them are threatened with or are harmed with physical violence, from me, they get the green light to defend themselves and fight back.

Now this post could make me extremely unpopular with the community but it is something I really feel strongly about. Instead of plainly stating that this is my stand, I have decided to justify my comments with a little self-analysis. At the end, make up your own mind as to whether my reasons are justified (or I’m just a looney):

1. My first child is a girl.

“Daddy’s little girl” Never were 3 words spoken so true. I believe that had our first been a boy, my beliefs would still be the same, though my wife’s stance may not be so strict. Boys are brash, rough, and quite violent at times (trust me, I’m living the dream now!) and so the natural progression from baby to toddler to childhood and beyond, will always have boys being more physical and generally rougher around the edges. It won’t be for every boy growing up, but this would ring true for a greater percentage.

2. I’m a father

A major role of being a father is to protect your family, no arguments there. If I’m not there to protect my family, I would like to think that they would be resourceful enough to protect themselves. The same goes for my children. In school, out with friends or in any situation at all, I would like to think that both of my kids have a certain mental and physical toughness about them to sort themselves out.

3. I’m scared of bullies and bullying

There’s no doubt about it, bullying has me spooked. Everyone has suffered some form of it as a kid (and if they haven’t they’re lying!) and most of us eventually grow out of it. The media has hyped it up, and I’m the first to admit that the more aware of it I am, the more concerned I become. As a result, I would much rather prepare my children to stand up for themselves, if and should the need occur, and I will admit to being unmoved if I receive a call from the school saying my kids had hit someone as a result of being hit themselves.

4. It’s get hit first, then hit back second.

I don’t want my kids to be bullied. And I don’t want them to be bullies themselves. I won’t teach them to mentally or physically harm another, even if they have the capacity to do so. I want to teach them that if they are getting harmed, getting hurt or getting physically abused, to stop it all happening by whatever means. If it means physically hitting them back, then so be it. Again, if they get hit, they can hit back. And that’s the only time I will allow them to hit.

5. I came out alright … I’m just following what my parents did.

I’m of Asian descent, have been in Australia since I was 5, and went all through primary school as one of only a handful of Asians in the entire school. My parents, thinking about the inevitable, enrolled me in martial arts when I was 7. I did this for 5 straight years and had never used it in anger. Ever. But I know that my parents felt that little bit better knowing that should some stuff “go down” I would be able to put up a little bit of a fight. And for the record, even though I had the knowledge and strength to cause some damage to my fellow students, I never started anything, and the same can be said up to this day.

So there it is. Possibly the main reasons why I see teaching your child to fight back is an “ok” thing. I know most people won’t agree with me and but hey, you say tomayto and I say tomahto. This argument could very well fall into the same category as spanking your kids and so I’d love to hear some comments for (yeah right) and against (most likely) my thoughts and opinions. Oh and thanks for reading.

Regards

dEx

Please would you say hi to dEx by adding him on Twitter @gossipism. Cheers, Colin

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September 9, 2011

What Real Work Does the Primary Care Giver Do?

I’m just now doing a joint giveaway with my online buddy Kelly from Be a Fun Mum where we’ve coordinated a back-to-back giveaway of a cool Smart-Trike stroller. I’ve called for people who are interested to subscribe and then try to sway me with generous compliments, but instead of getting my ego stroked multiple times – I’ve had the good fortune to strike up a nice conversation with my new online friend Katie Poli. Katie has just had a baby girl – her second child, but is back to work and has hit the ground running! The following wasn’t intended to be a guest post at all, but is a running conversation we both had about parenting, work, and the expectations you have of yourself. Lots of what she said however really resonated with many things I’ve worked at on this blog. Please help me welcome Katie Poli to SuperParents.

I’ve just discovered your site through be a fun mum and I am now a subscriber and facebook lover :) my hubbie is currently doing the mr mum thing (14 weeks of leave) with mr 2.5 (going on 25!) and miss 5 months (cute as pie) while i am working fulltime from home …

I’ve never thought of how it would be like doing the Mr Mum thing for a shorter amount of time. With Wills I took one for the team for the first three years. When my daughter came, I returned to work full time … and was looking out for any excuse to quit. I did quit eventually when she turned one and took care of her until she was ready to go to school at three.

It is so wonderful having dads in the caring role as I feel that everyone learns from the experience… I have had to learn to relinquish control and trust my hubbie’s judgement as he is fabulous, and he has learnt that morning tea and lunch has to be eaten on the go and cuddles, stories and jumping on the trampoline often trumps getting any ‘tasks’ done! hehe :) He is currently 6 weeks into the 14 weeks and he is loving it, already he is hating the idea of going back to work…

Everyone learns from the experience? You mean all Dads MUST have the opportunity to learn from the experience! As the primary care giver, I was and have always been well supported by my wife who worked close to full time. I’m not sure I would have done the same for her had our roles been reversed, and had I not had the experience taking care of either one of my children full time (see My Wife Works Full Time: Equal Parenting). Most people just don’t understand how draining it is placing someone else’s needs above your own day-in-day-out.

I work a number of jobs (actually one isn’t from home, but it is easier to generalise!)… I am lecturing in arts education (one day a week – that’s the job that is out of the house), and then I teach piano the other 4 days morning and afternoon, as well as do music typesetting (working with music notation software preparing sheet music for publication) in all the other pockets of time! A busy bee I am! :)

Wow. Hat’s off to you, Katie!

I have always done the music teaching and typesetting (since our son was 6 weeks old) and struggled through the whole thing trying to be mum as well (I didn’t want to put our children into daycare – a personal decision, I don’t judge people who do!!! but we also needed a second income)

My wife and I also wanted to be the ones to care for our children, if possible. Of course, this was both a luxury and an effort … and an arrangement that many families struggle to get right. We did however explore a short session in day care to prepare them for school (see Child Care Gone Wrong and Family Day Care).

I do agree with you that the role of primary caregiver is completely undervalued, as our society bases so much identity on what we ‘do’ (ie job) – it is usually one of the first questions you ask someone when you meet them! I do agree, however, that taking care of your kids is a mammoth task and a huge balancing act with higher exhaustion levels than I have ever known! (and I taught year 1 for many years!)

For sure … and the reason I wrote Why I am Obsessed with Women.

The problem is that the primary care giver is assumed to be doing something brain dead, simple and menial. The resulting burden therefore cannot be more than the executive who deals with situations and problems that run in the thousands or millions of dollars. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

However, I have experienced a number of sides of the ‘identity’ situation… when I’m working lots I desperately yearn to only be “Mum” and be able to dedicate myself totally to our kids, for the patches of time when I am being only “Mum” (school holidays or times when my jobs aren’t busy) I have occasionally felt that loss of ‘job’ identity, when you are really existing for the kids and the household.

I think people feel this guilt and emotional conflict different. I was not immune to it, but have always been able to shunt emotional negativity aside until I could deal with it rationally. This *is* a really important topic that frankly I think we can do a better job exploring than we’ve done so to date.

However, when my husband stepped into the role a few weeks ago I felt the reverse – I felt guilty not doing the kids and housework thing as I had always prided myself on being in control in that department! I think as primary caregivers we often are our own worse enemies… we feel guilty no matter what!

The more you are in control, the more you seek to increase that control. It creates it’s own problems. Have you seen the post Sakura Odie and her 7 Golden Rules to Achieving Balance? It’s a good post, and dare I say it, you should check it out.

Lovely to have chatted with you, Katie. It was really nice to talk about some of the issues I try to tackle on this blog. I didn’t feel like you hijacked my giveaway post at all!

Hope to see you back again soon.

Is it about time to start talking about the Perth Royal Show?

September 7, 2011

A Friend of a Friend is Not Necessarily Friendly

True story occurring right now …

I met a friend of a friend. And we started chatting about our mutual ‘friend’ who was going through some marital problems. I joked that one of my priorities was to get him a new wife. Then this friend of a friend returns to my friend’s wife, reports that I am trying to set up my friend and trying to break up their marriage. Obviously this creates *some* tension on all parties concerned.

Now, if you know that there is a problem with a person’s marriage, would any thinking rational adult feed them any further information that would incite unreasonable anger, would cause further antagonism between the partners, and basically just ruin everyone’s relationship? Why would a sane person fan those flames???

Colin is crazy and will joke around. It is in the retelling of the crap without the right tone or timing or in the context of the conversation that will sour everything up. Obviously with hind sight this could have been avoided. But one thing’s for certain …

… a friend of a friend is not necessarily friendly.

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